how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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