3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize