Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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