Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
