we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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