her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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