Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
