stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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