sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
