I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
