Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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