Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
