The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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