She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
