You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
