This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
