My nipple is on Facebook.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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