ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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