College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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