My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
