nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
