all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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