i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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