I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
