My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
