I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
