Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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