Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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