This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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