I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
