remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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