I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
