Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
