where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
