i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
