Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
