living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
