I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
