oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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