a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
