I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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