Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
