He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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