God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
