Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
