high people should be assigned attendants
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
