I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
