my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
