I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My cat gives me a boner
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
