You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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