genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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