I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
