you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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