Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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