Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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