hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
