google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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