just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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