____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
