I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
