end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
