Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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