Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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