I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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