i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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