So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
