Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
