Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
