Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
