New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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