I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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