So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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