dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
