This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i will never coherently bang her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
