piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your tits are I can't wait for
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
