if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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