and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
