I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
