Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
